


NARNIALOCK: The Lion, The Junky/Detective and A Lovely Doctor.

by Lauren_Bacall



Category: Chronicles of Narnia - All Media Types, Chronicles of Narnia - C. S. Lewis, Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: A journey to accept themselves, After s04 e3, After the end of this season I want to write something funny, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Crossover, Eventual Happy Ending, Fluff and Crack, John is bi, Johnlock - Freeform, Johnlock First kiss, Literally in the closet, M/M, Movie: The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe (2005), Not Beta Read, Parody, Sherlock Holmes and Drug Use, Sherlock- AU, literally being in the closet
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-05
Updated: 2017-03-18
Packaged: 2018-09-21 03:32:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9529805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lauren_Bacall/pseuds/Lauren_Bacall
Summary: The story follows Sherlock Holmes and his "friend" John Watson.One day, after using drugs, Sherlock finds out that his wardrobe leads to the fantasy world of Narnia.After that, Sherlock wants John to follow him into the closet.There, they must ally with the rainbow lion Aslan against the forces of the Homophobic Witch, who has Narnia under an eternal winter of denial.





	1. Arthur (not Canon) Doyle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope you'll enjoy it!

 

Sherlock Holmes was slowly drinking a cup of tea, while he looked at the dust illuminated by a ray of sun coming through the window of 221B of Baker Street.  
His violin seemed abandoned on the coffee table.  
A deep feeling of boredom through him completely, as he thought about the last case.  
A woman wanted to know if her husband was cheating on her.  
«It's boring!» Sherlock exclaimed snorting, only to close the woman out the door of his apartment.  
Now Sherlock was starting to wonder if only in the presence of John the truly interesting cases showed up.  
Boredom was about to be his downfall, so Sherlock decided to make a move.  
He had sworn to John and Molly that he would not abused more of any substance but at the moment he didn't care nothing of his oaths.  
He got up with an almost feline jump from his couch and went to the kitchen shelf where he kept the sugar and the salt. Among other jars there was one that had been labeled "boredom". Sherlock opened it, smiling.  
He took a pinch of the white matter and put it on the tip of his tongue.  
"It's just a taste" he said to himself outloud.  
Then, he went to sit back on the couch, taking the little jar with him.

  
It was three in the afternoon.  
Sherlock was more awake then ever.  
His mind was working at an extreme speed.  
His thoughts ran fast, so much that he could not stop one even for a moment to analyze it.  
He had already decided: he would visit John and Rosie that night.  
Sherlock looked at himself and he noticed that he was still wearing his pajamas.  
He could not show up in John's house dressed like that!  
Now his brain was devoted to seek the best combination of clothes for going out. He looked around for his favorite purple shirt.  
Not finding it, Sherlock got up and went to look for it in the closet.  
The sudden increase in blood flow to his brain caused him to lose his balance and so Sherlock Holmes fell inside the wardrobe going to bang his head against the hardwood bottom.

@! # €

  
The first thing that he noticed was a chill breeze around him.  
When he opened his eyes he was even more surprised.  
All around him there was an endless field of snow. A few snowflakes were falling, lightly on his face.  
Sherlock managed to land one on the palm of his hand. The snowflake melted on contact with his warm skin.  
He tried to stand up, but his body was still numb and is head felt heavy.  
How did he get there? What had happened?  
Sherlock could not answer these questions.  
Nothingness. A total vacuum in his mind.  
Then Sherlock closed his eyes and tried to concentrate to remember how he could possibly managed to get himself there.  
But as he tried to dig in his memory, he couldn't find a good answer.  
Sherlock looked around in order to identify in which geographical place he could possibly be.  
He deduced from the vegetation to be in England's rural area, but there was something that did not match.  
Now, first it was July, so there wasn't any chance that in England it was snowing, and then there was an almost fairytale vibe in that place.  
Sherlock also noticed to still be in the same pajamas of that morning.  
When the solution appeared in his mind, he could not suppress a smile.  
It was so obvious! How had he not thought of that before?  
He was in one of his hallucinations caused by drugs.  
But he had to admit that it had never happened before to find himself in a vision so quiet and peaceful.  
Sherlock then decided to enjoy that moment of momentary confusion.  
Suddenly he heard a noise behind him.  
Sherlock turned around, but saw no one. And the noise continued. Now he could make out what kind of sound it was.  
It was a sound of hooves trampling the snow. By the intensity and the rhythm of the sound Sherlock could deduce that it was a medium weight animal on two legs.  
Sherlock kept listening, wondering what kind of animal could have hooves and could walk on two legs.  
When the figure showed up he couldn't believe what he saw.  
That was a bizarre creature, no doubt. It had the head and torso of a man, supported by two very hairy goat legs. He was also almost naked, but he wore a rainbow scarf around his neck.  
Even this creature seemed very surprised to see Sherlock.  
After a moment of hesitation he approached him.  
«Hello, there! Who are you?» He asked, with a calm voice.  
Sherlock decided to indulge in this fantasy of his brain and replied:  
«My name is Sherlock Holmes. Who are you? Or rather, what are you?»  
«My name is Tumnus. I am a faun.» Sherlock analyzed his words and tried to remember all the information he had about mythological creatures.

_Faun: (Latin: faunus, Ancient Greek :φαῦνος, phaunos, pronounced [pʰaynos]) is a mythological half human–half goat (from the head to the waist being human, but with the addition of goat horns) manifestation of forest and animal spirits that would help or hinder humans at whim. They are often associated with the satyrs of Greek mythology._

  
«Where am I?» Sherlock asked finally, lowering his voice.  
«You are in the kingdom of Narnia, specifically: near its border.» Tumnus said, gently smiling.

 

 


	2. First kiss

Against all odds, Sherlock decided to follow this faun to his den dug into the rock of a snowy mountain.  
As they entered into the den, Tumnus got busy and lit the wood stove.  
There were only a few pots, a single chair, and dust everywhere.  
Only one of the couch seats was worn and it was slightly lower.  
From these details Sherlock deduced quickly that the faun lived alone, and that was not even used to receive visitors.  
Sherlock looked around and noticed that there were no pictures hanging anywhere, but there are lighter spots on the walls which suggested that they've been removed.  
Sherlock thought this detail was highly suspicious, but decides not to say anything about it for that moment.  
«So, what are you?» Tumnus asked, looking into his eyes intently.  
«I am a human being.» Sherlock briefly answered.  
«You are a what? I mean, what kind of creature are you?»  
«Oh well, I am an High functioning sociopath.»  
After a while, Tumnus replied confused:  
«Well, okay then; this sounds specific enough.»  
All of a sudden Sherlock became quiet trying to listen to the wind blowing hard outside the door.  
In order to break the embarrassing silence, Tumnus started to speak in a nostalgic way:  
«You know? There was a time when there wasn't so cold here in Narnia.»  
«Really?» Sherlock replied, and he started looking around for some clue about what the faun was trying to hide.  
«Yes. It was all sunny and peaceful, until one day the Homophobic Witch came in this reign in order to rule it.» Sherlock was distracted thinking, but regained attention for what the faun said.  
«Sorry, have you just said "Homophobic Witch"?»  
«Yes, I did. She's our queen now. She keep the whole Narnia under her strict control and oppression. She's against every kind of love, especially same sex love.» Tumnus whispered.  
Lowering his voice the faun continued to talk:  
«She has a highly trained army of cruel creatures. She's basically untouchable.»

«How your husband died?»  
Sherlock asked suddenly.  
Tumnus instanly freezed and stared Sherlock with wide eyes and raised eyebrows.  
«How did you know?» he exclaimed, shocked.  
«I just do. So what about you just tell me about it.» Sherlock simply replied, rolling his eyes.  
He has seen the ring on his finger, and he simply had a vibe that he could be gay.  
«The witch took him.» Tumnus replied, full of grief.  
«Do you live alone, too?» he asked to Sherlock after a while.  
«Yes, I do. But I've a friend who's coming to my house sometimes.»  
«Tell me more about your relationship.» Tumnus said, while he rapidly became visibilly interested.  
«There's not much to say. He's my friend. It is what it is»  
«I see. And do you love him?» Tumnus demanded  
Sherlock started looking around, in a nervuos way.  
«This is a trap, isn't it?» Sherlock asked.  
«Yes, I need to find some people to take to the queen. Only if I do that she'll keep my husband alive.» Tumnus replied with a shaky voice.  
«If you want to save you, go back and run in the forest. At the end you'll see a street lamp. If you'll walk some more far away you'll find the way back to your home and never come back.»  
Sherlock went to the door and when  
he was finally out, Tumnus slowly said outloud:  
«Goodbye, dear high functioning sociopath.»

Once he came back to the closet, he still had some little snowflake on his curly hair, but strangely he didn't care much about it.  
His apartment had never seemed so welcoming. Immediately Sherlock tried to make sure he was awake.  
Then he decided to write a message to John:  
  
"New case.  
Need you here.  
S.H."

He went to sit quietly on the couch, legs crossed, waiting for John to come and see him.

  
#€@_

  
John Watson was trying to lull the little Rosie. She had already awakened three times within an hour, but now it seemed that Rosie was sleeping deeply enough. When his phone vibrated on the table, the sudden noise inevitably woke his daughter up.  
John could not help but curse. Reading the message of Sherlock, John swore a second time, hoping that Rosie hadn't heard his vulgar words.  
He decided to go to see Sherlock. But first he had to leave Rosie with someone. He thought that maybe Molly could watch her for a few hours in his absence, and so he called her.

When John entered the apartment of Sherlock, he expected to find someone else with him.  
Instead Sherlock was alone and he immediately approched him, bouncing around the room saying: «John, you'll never believe what I saw.» «Calm down now and tell me!» John tried to make him explain himself.  
«I was in the closet. Inside, you know John?» Sherlock affirmed.  
John Watson stared at him, crossing his arms.  
«Sherlock, what are you trying to say to me?»  
«Inside my wardrobe there is a passage to another world called Narnia. There, I met a Faun, who explained to me that the whole reign is oppressed by an evil witch of Winter. I need to go back there. And you have to follow me in this adventure.»  
While Sherlock was still talking, John started to get angrier from angrier every word he heard.  
«Damnit, Sherlock! You're using again, that's the only reason for all this nonsense.» he yelled to him, trying to contain his anger.  
Sherlock seemed really offended.  
«Maybe I used a little bit, but that's not the point! Focus on the other wolrd, Narnia. What do you think about it?»  
John sighed and scrached his nose.  
Why, in the name of God, Sherlock was doing this to him?  
«Do you even listened to your words? You are clearly high.»

Sherlock seemed so happy and excited.  
A lonely tear started to run down his face, while John thought about Sherlock Holmes in that poor state.  
Sherlock suddenly stopped talking.  
John slowly reached Sherlock, and tried to put his arms around him, but Sherlock put him kindly back.  
«John, please, do it for me. Follow me to Narnia.»  
«Okay.» he agreed, eventually.  
They both walked to the wardrobe, and Sherlock opened it.  
«You go first» Sherlock said.  
John looked back at him, for a last time and entered into the closet.  
And then Sherlock followed him in the dark of the wardrobe.

But they were there, close in a very small space while the air was getting thin.  
And still nothing happened.  
In the dark John was looking for a handle to re-open the closet, but instead ended up touching Sherlock face, then he touched his head and playfully moved slightly his hair.  
John could almost feel that Sherlock was smiling. They both started to laugh, but after five minutes John returned to be angry. Sherlock told John that it would work only if he closed his eyes.  
John snorted, but then gave up to Sherlock.  
Suddenly he went near to John's face, very close.  
He passed his hands flat on John' shoulders.  
Then their lips met.  
Sherlock could feel the first reluctance of John, but neither of them broke away from the other.  
Sherlock didn't know if it was happening because the effect of drugs, or was it simply that cheap aftershave, along with the smell of John' skin to have caused this strange reaction.  
After a second, John pushed him against the cabinet bottom, but it was gone.  
In its place there was an open space, and cold wind blown from behind.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow this crack-ish fic to the next chapter to see some real mad stuff!  
> The best is yet to come!


	3. The rightful Queen Aslan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They said it couldn't get more stupid...
> 
> It could!

When their lips parted, John stared at Sherlock breathless.  
Sherlock mentally measured the increase in heart rate speeds of John and also of his own heart.  
Sherlock then wanted to look better at Watson. Sherlock smiled, trying to decipher the cryptic expression on John's face.  
«" This "never happened.»  
He murmured finally, by the tremulous voice.  
Sherlock looked at him amazed and replied sarcastically: «Ahem! John, then explain to me why your right hand is still lying on the crotch of my pants.»  
John blushed, moving it immediately.  
«Do not lie to me, John. You liked it, as much as I did. »  
But Watson wasn't even listening, indeed he seemed so much upset that he stood up and started running in the opposite direction compared to where it was before, without looking back. Sherlock abandoned in the snow, watched him without being able to say even one word to stop him.  
The cold hit him in the chest, but Sherlock was strangely unable to tell if it was the cold weather or because of John.

While he was still running, Dr. Watson stumbled into a cumene of snow.  
Only then John noticed the place where he was.  
In the heat of the moment he had not realized he was no longer at 221B Baker Street.  
It was starting to seem a nightmare to him.  
Perhaps Sherlock had drugged him without even telling him, as had happened in the case of the Baskerville Hound.  
And how he has allowed Sherlock to kiss him?  
Dayum! Sherlock's lips were really softer than how he had imagined...  
Not that John, the most heterosexual man who had ever existed, had ever imagined kissing Sherlock. Ok, maybe the beginning of their "friendship", he had some wet dream about the two of them.  
And perhaps it had happened only twice a day.  
But that did not mean absolutely NOTHING!  
But Woah, Sherlock lips were fine as hell but…  
He almost went crazy to feel the taste of Sherlock's mouth.

_**He tasted of earl grey tea and prohibited.** _

John lay down on a bed of snow and screamed as loud as he could in the wind: «I AM NOT GAY!»  
The cold was making its way in his chest, when a slide came from the depths of the forest.  
It was a white sleigh, pulled by reindeer by high horns.  
John was stunned.  
At the head of the slide there was a young-looking woman, with eyes bright red and long and white hair as frost wires.  
«Who are you?» John asked, not believing his eyes.  
«I am the Queen of Narnia. And you are ..? »  
She asked him, in a solemn voice. «Straight.» He answered almost immediately.  
«EH! I mean: Dr. John Watson»John said, correcting his previous answer.  
The queen broke her resting bitch face and smiled.  
«Come and sit with me on my sled.»  
She shouted then.  
John decided to follow the folly of the moment and did as the queen said to do. «My interests, Dr. Watson. You said to be straight ... right? »  
«Yes. I'm the most hetero man. Sometimes I dream about fuck my male flatmate but this does not mean anything. »  
The queen looked at him sarcastically: «Suuure, John!»  
She said trying to keep her concentration.  
«And where is your "flatmate"now?» she asked finally.  
«He's around here, somewhere in the forest.»  
John replied nonchalantly.  
«I wish to meet him, Watson. Take him to me, and I will give you the crown at my side, engraved with on it the sentence "the more hetero man".»  
John was already dreaming of being crowned and nodded.  
«We have an agreement then. If you bring him to me by tomorrow the crown will be yours.»  
Then the queen looked at him closely and suddenly kissed him.  
John felt as if his own heart was frozen all at once.  
When the kiss ended, John Watson was a very different man. His heart was turned to stone, without feelings.

@ €€ &

Sherlock wasn't lying in the snow for a long time.  
He got up shortly after John ran away. Sherlock was pleased with the kiss of John.  
His lips were a perfect temperature 38 ° Celsius.  
The duration of their kiss was perfect, 2 minutes and 21 seconds.  
Only that Sherlock wanted to do an encore.  
The manner in which the skillful hands of John had moved on his body made him understand that he could not control himself as well as he though.  
Sherlock walked in the forest in the opposite direction to that in which John was gone.  
After walking for half mile Sherlock was getting tired, but he felt a stream in the forest.  
When he reached it, what he found surprised him a lot.  
A magnificent lion, from the matted hair of the colors of the rainbow, was drinking at the water.  
When he saw Sherlock turned in his direction and looked at him intently. Sherlock decided to remain still and not break eye contact.  
«Who are you?» the lion roared.  
«I'm Sherlock Holmes. Who are you?» The lion gave him an eloquent glance and affirmed with a mighty voice:  
«I am Aslan.» The lion paused to roar.  
«I am the rightful king of Narnia, although I like to call myself the rightful queen.»  
Aslan said, then winked at Sherlock.  
«It has been predicted the arrival Sherlock Holmes. But the legend also tells of a "lovely doctor Watson". He is with you?»  
Aslan asked with a calm, but firm voice. «What do you mean by" predicted "?» Sherlock asked, but an arrow hissed nearby and went to stick in the trunk of the tree in front of the lion.  
«We're under attack. Get in the rump Sherlock. I'll take you to a more safe place.»

So, the great detective Sherlock Holmes got upon the back of the mighty and gay Aslan, crossed the forest in great speed, holding himself to the rainbow fur.

**Author's Note:**

> To be continued! (Maybe)


End file.
